Apologies for the lack of postage of late. Work has been insane, so I’ve been coming home most nights with a brain like runny mashed potato (ew), and pretty much just flopping on the couch and staring blindly at Youtube. I’ve had no shortage of ideas for posts, just no energy. Thanks for your patience. And, howdy to all the new readers I’ve gathered over the last couple of weeks. 🙂
This blog is a very belated follow up to this post on breaking the habit of negative body talk. In my previous post, I pledged to say no to body bashing. Other people pledge to cut out full-fat milk and cheese toasties, but me, I’m on a self-abuse diet – no I’m uglys, no I look awfuls, no my thighs/stomach/butt looks gross in thats, no ew I’ve got eye-bagses, no I look like shit from this angles, no I’m a fat disgusting pigs. If anyone else is trying the same approach, I’d love to know how it’s going. For this post, I’m taking it one step further – replacing the hateful words with loving words, and caring for oneself when hit with an attack of the body blues.
Last time, I talked about treating your body as a best friend – and best friends don’t generally call each ugly and fat and repulsive. Best friends *do*, however (or, at least, they should…), call each other fabulous and brilliant and lovable and awesome, and give each other big hugs and tonnes of chocolate when they’re going through shit. Why should it not be the same with our bodies? Fluttershy from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic put it the best: “Sometimes, we all need to be shown a little kindness.” Especially, if you ask me, by ourselves.
The following are eight tips for battling the body blues, steering clear of the Self Loathing Pit of Despair, and showing your body the kindness it deserves. For it is awesome.
1) First of all, when the body blues hit, it’s okay to feel like crap. Of course, it’s great to have strategies to use and weapons to wield when the Self Loathing Pit of Despair threatens to swallow you up, but it really is okay just to stop, rest and allow yourself to feel how ever you feel. Sometimes, fighting against negative emotions and willing them away only makes you feel shittier. So, just stop. Dive under the blankets and have a good bawl. Cuddle up on the couch with a blanket and heaps of cushions, and watch bad TV. Fill up the basin, dunk your head in and scream underwater. Spend hours staring into space popping bubble wrap. Whatever works.
2) Practice kindness. When our friends and loved ones are down, we do nice things for them. So…when the body blues rear their ugly heads, show yourself the same benevolence and do something nice for you. Paint your nails, faff about with your curling iron, put on your favourite skirt and twirl around, snuggle up with your beloved/the kids/the cat, go to the park and sit under your favourite tree, take yourself out, order a big filthy cappuccino and scribble away in your journal and pretend you’re a famous writer in a cafe in Paris…whatever takes your fancy.
3) If there’s anything going on around you that’s triggering the body blues, walk the fuck away. Sometimes this will not always be possible but, if there’s material around you that’s making you feel less than brilliant about your body, just squash it. Got magazines full of unrealistic beauty bullshit? Haul ’em on down to your local Sallie Army store, or to the nearest kindy for kids to cut up. Biggest Loser or any other weightloss propaganda on TV? Change the channel. Article full of fat hatred online? Close the tab and look at cute kitties/puppies/pandas on Youtube instead (which I need to do more often). If it ain’t in the house, it can’t make you feel shit about yourself.
4) Surround yourself with positive people. This one’s a bit of a no-brainer, really. As the pastor from old church put it, “If you want to soar with eagles, why are you hanging around with turkeys?” So true. Hang out with those people whose support you can count on, and who you know will give you a much needed boost when the Self Loathing Pit of Despair caves in. Don’t hang out with those people who make disparaging comments, however “helpful” they think they’re being.
5) Make lists. I’ve been practising the art of saying loving things about my body out loud…but I’m also finding practising self-affirmation in written form really helps. That way, you’ve got a list of lovely things to crank out when the body blues come around.
I wrote a list about what I like about my body just the other day. I wrote all the basic stuff, like my blue eyes, and the way my hair goes ringlet-y after it’s been washed, and my ski-jump nose and the fact I do have big boobs and big hips and a butt that sticks out (hey, who needs a bustle? ;)) and a small waist. I wrote some random things as well, like how I scrunch up my nose when I smile, my loud laugh, and my skinny ankles – which I think are cute. And, some slightly sexy stuff, like how full my lips feel when Pumpkin kisses me, and how soft and sensuous and sumptuous I feel when we’re naked together – and that’s without him needing to tell me. 😉 To be able to see my body in that way feels like a huge victory, and it feels damn good to see it written down.
If you’re struggling to come up with things you like about your body, write a list of what you think are your best qualities. Write down a whole bunch of positive adjectives – Strong, Talented, Kind, Caring, Loyal, Encouraging, Lovable. Rewrite them with flouro-coloured felt pens on a huge-ass piece of paper, and stick them somewhere prominent, or else write them out on a smaller bit of card, and stick it in your wallet for you to stumble over when you pay for your morning coffee. Like a Business Card of Awesomeness.
6) Pick a theme tune. Sounds naff, but I’m serious. When I’m feeling down, I have my little selection of pick-me-up-songs, but there’s a select few I crank out when then body blues arrive. My ultimate Body Blues Be Gone song would have to be Skyscraper, by Demi Lovato. Yeah, yeah. I’m a music snob from way back. But, this is the song I blast at full version when the self-hate sets in, when I think back on the people that made fun of my weight, and when all that fat hate online reaches through and throttles me through the screen. Because, people can try to tear me (us) down, but I’m a tall, strong, steely building, so I’d like to see you try. So, if it helps, pick a song – something with empowering, no bull-shit and preferably body-positive lyrics.
7) Visualise victory. This is one of my new favourites. Reader Grace made a comment on my last post about beating the body blues, and one of the strategies she put in place was drawing herself as a kick-ass superhero punching out all her body gremlins, and standing tall over the cowering, snivelling monsters once they’d been defeated. I did the same when I was feeling like donkey poop last weekend: I drew myself, in my wedding dress, with long flowing hair and a crown on my head, brandishing a sword at a troll (a super ugly one, with horns and sharp teeth!), doing my best “You shall not pass” expression. I cannot draw for shit, and the picture looked fucking ridiculous. But envisioning myself as a powerful figure fighting off the haters made me feel…well, awesome, actually. So give it a try.
8) And finally, go to your power place. Think back to those times where you felt amazing in yourself. Like having a playlist of “go-to” songs on your iPod, build up a “playlist” of awesome body love memories you can tap into and draw strength from. Think of those moments where you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and thought “I’d do me”. Think back on the times you first tried on *that* outfit that made your confidence soar right off the charts, or when you just got your hair done and you couldn’t stop checking yourself out in every shop window on the way home.
My ultimate body confidence power place comes from my wedding day. I really struggled with my self-image leading up to our wedding but, on the day, I felt like a rockstar. I had my emerald green dress, and my knitted flowers, and my feathery fascinator, and my hair and makeup all done, and my French manicure and my toenails painted to match my dress – and I felt genuinely drop-dead gorgeous. Here I am:
So, build a memory bank of the times where you felt completely and utterly comfortable in your own skin and 100% smokin’ hot, no matter what your body was doing at the time. And, as those moments crop up again, take note of them. Keep a journal – record the moment, date it, praise yourself for yet another victory and go back to the journal when you need a lift.
So, those are my tips: it’s okay to feel like crap (and have a REST), practice kindness, step away from any triggering or negative material, surround yourself with positive people, make affirming and loving lists, pick a theme tune, visualise victory and go to your power place. Bear in mind, this is what’s working the best for me at the moment. You may have a completely different set of tips, and that’s totally fine (and, if you do, I’d love to hear some of them).
Some of them may sound a little naff, so you can take or leave them. Some of them may seem difficult or even strange at first – and, trust me, some of them still feel foreign and bizarre to me. But, however you choose to practice body love, I recommend it – because it’s one hell of a l0t better than the opposite.
Big fat hugs,